Life's Little Frustrations

this morning was not unlike any other morning in the johnson house.  kris went to the fire station bright and early, so i was on momma duty.  it began with me sleepily stumbling up the stairs, arousing my little russky with a quick back rub and good morning musings.

"did you sleep well?  have good dreams?  what would you like for breakfast?  get up and go potty and wash your hands.  i'll meet you downstairs."

10 minutes later i'm downstairs, still waiting for nick to finish getting dressed and come down for breakfast.

"nick?  what are you doing?  hurry and come down to eat!"

"okaaayy!  i'm coming!"

{waiting...waiting...waiting...}

"nick?  come on!  your breakfast is getting cold!"

"okaaayy..."

he finally makes it downstairs and sloooooowly puts on his socks and shoes while chattering away to himself, as if reminding himself the steps to follow.  comes to the table...takes his meds {like. a. champ. - i should really start praising him more for that.}, and starts to eat.  i tell him i'm going to get dressed and to hurry and eat because he's going to be late since he spent so much time getting dressed.

15 minutes later i come back out of my room, expecting him to be finished eating, putting his dishes in the sink, and heading to brush his teeth.  nope.  still sitting at the kitchen table.  barely touched his food.  staring into space.  waving his fork around.  humming.

"nick!  what are you doing?!  you haven't even eaten yet?!  well there's no time now!  you're going to be late for school!  let's go!"  {breakfast thrown away}

"okaaayy..." {walks as slowly as possible to bathroom for the brushing of the teeth & hair}

"let's go dude!  walk faster!" {seriously!  is this opposite day?!  does "fast" really mean "slow as possible?!}

i brush his teeth & hair, and send him to put on his coat and grab his backpack as i grab my wallet and jacket.  does nick act with expediency?  nope.  meanders to the coat closet.  gets the items necessary. talks to the dog.  happy go lucky.  not a care in the world.

"nick!  come on! get your coat on!  let's go!"

"okaaayy..." {i swear the kid is eeoyre sometimes!}

i slow my pace.  take a deep breath.  put on my own jacket.  walk to the car.  nick...well...still moving at a snail's pace.  jacket dragging on the floor.  backpack slung {upside down} over one shoulder.

"nick!  hurry up!  get in the car!  move it!"

"okaaayy.  i'm coming."

{and the slower he moves, and the more calm he is, not even caring that my voice has raised, make me even more angry}

several hours minutes later, we're finally heading to school.  with me asking him "do you like being yelled at?  is that what you want?  our mornings to always start out like this?!"  do i really expect him to say "yes mom.  i looove to be yelled at and to make you angry and frustrated first thing in the morning.  i live for it!"

several hours later and i'm still rehashing the morning, as i do every morning that starts this way.  it should bring me some comfort that my ever-patient, laid-back, easy-going husband becomes just as frustrated at this morning routine.  but - it just makes me sad!  i know he really, truly can't help his daydreaming, and his lack of enthusiasm for being awake so early, however, some mornings i really find myself counting the seconds until his ADHD meds kick in!  they make such a difference, and even his teachers at school tell us that the mornings are especially rough and they can definitely tell the "aha" moment when they finally take hold of his wandering brain.

so what do i do?  wake him up an hour earlier and deprive us both of much needed sleep?  wake myself up earlier and down two cups of coffee immediately so i'm a little more bearable?  i wish the answer to all this could be as simple as "just slow down and enjoy this time with him...", which is great for the weekends when we have nothing going on, but during the week, i can't do that or he'll always be tardy for school!  {soo not a morning person to start with!}  i don't know the right answer, but what i do know is that we can't go on this way with the constant prodding for the next step in the morning routine...

the "get dressed...get your pants on!...get your socks on...ok...now put your shoes on...eat...take another bite...put your dishes away...dude...just put the dishes in the sink stop looking at the sink...brush your teeth...ok you're done now...wash your face...ok i'm sure your face is clean now...dry your face and hands now...dude...dry your face!...etc, etc, etc..."

all that's gotta stop.  it's driving us parents nuts & apparently he's so used to us yelling at him, that it doesn't even phase him anymore!  why can't parenting come with a magic guide book, with steps that actually work on every child?  i love that he's an individual...but... well... i guess that's really it... BUT... cuz what else is there to say?  we're at a loss... :(  any advice from the peanut gallery out there?

xoxo...liese :o)

The Return of Dobby

last year we broke down and joined the ranks of all the other parents who are trying to keep the "Santa-ness" alive and brought the "elf on the shelf" into our home {aka "dobby"...nick named him...very cool because as you may or may not know, nick has a really hard time remembering names, much less giving inanimate objects names...& oh yes..."dobby" is the house elf from harry potter...that kid loves him some HP!}.  dobby was pretty boring last year...showed up in random spots all over the house, but nothing fun like all the ideas i'm reading this year on pinterest.  {i.e. making snow angels?!  turning the milk green?!  oh you crazy elves!...totally copy-catting those ideas this year!}.  anyhoo...dobby started off this year much the same...in fact, he didn't even show up for duty on day one!  musta gotten lost in traffic?  yeah...that's it.

more to the point...keep getting distracted by the flushing of the toilet up in nicky's room...over & over & over & over...and hearing him jump from his bed to the floor...over & over & over...  oh yeah... where was i?  oh...so we watched the elf on the shelf show the other night, and read the book, and dobby joined us on day 2.  boring spot, can't be creative cuz i still don't have all our trees decorated...yadda yadda yadda.  anyhoo...nicky's behavior has been less than stellar lately.  pretty much every november since we brought him home has been a challenge {it's the month his birth mother abandoned him, and he subsequently had a seizure and stayed in the hospital for a bit, then moved to the orphanage...quite a lot to take in for a 7 month old!}...feel sorry for him now?  good...we do too.  but...he takes a lot out on us this time of year, and it's hard to get into the "buying of presents" and the "joy of Christmas" and all that when he's just constantly fighting, arguing, whining, lying, tantrum-ing, etc!  i mean seriously - how many times can one say "i don't want to..." in a short period of time?  well...i lost count at 375...ok maybe not that many, but pretty dang close!

this past week has been so rough that at bedtime, nick exclaims "i don't want to go to bed!  i want to stay up all night and watch movies!", etc {basically says any & everything to avoid going to bed & to get our attention}.  once in his room, he plays in his bed, jumps up and down, peeks out of his room, etc, until he finally puts himself to bed and falls asleep.  last night he jumped up and down on the top few steps outside his room and tried to get our attention for over an hour before he finally went to bed...and that's only because we turned off the tv at 9:35pm and "went to bed" ourselves!  sheesh...stubborn much?!  i even told him he didn't have to go to bed if he didn't want to...he could play all night for all i cared, but...he had to stay in his room.

well..."dobby" must have finally had enough and told "santa" all about it.  and "santa" wrote a letter to nick telling him that all his crazy behaviors had better stop or there will be no presents in his sack for him...basically, nicky can stuff his sorries in a sack unless he shapes up!

we'll see how it goes...nick's been up for about 30 minutes now playing in his room...and it's 7:45am.  seriously...can't a momma enjoy a quiet cup of joe before reporting to "work"?  i have a feeling it's going to be a long day...your prayers are much welcomed!!!

xoxo...liese :o)

Captain Obvious

"momma.  bwitzers eating his dinner."

"momma.  bwitzers drinking his water.  don't drink it all bwitzer.  save some for breakfast."

"momma.  bwitzers sitting by me."

"momma. bwitzers playing with a toy."

"momma.  bwitzers looking at me."

"momma.  i'm putting my bwanket on."

"momma.  bwitzers laying on da fwoor."

"momma.  i'm pettin bwitzer."

"momma.  i give bwitzer a kiss."

"momma.  i watchin tv."

"momma.  i got my tiger."

"momma.  bwitzer is walking away."

thanks.  thanks, son.  thank you for the play-by-play since apparently my eyes are broken.

ps...i'm changing my name.

What in the holy tantrum is going on here?!

Terrible two's my arse.  We're beginning to think it should be renamed the "terrible childhood".  The craziness that goes on in our house these days has us thinking back to 6 months ago when we thought things were never going to calm down.  Nicky's moods are like the ebbs and flows of the tides.  He comes crashing down hard on us with no warning one second, then receeds just as quickly with a calmness that washes over all of us.  And that's all in a matter of an hour or so.  Most of the time there is absolutely no indication as to why his behavior becomes so out of control.  Although we try to tell ourselves we'll never understand why he acts the way he does, we continually ask "why is he doing this?!".  I know that he's seeking independence at this age, and I gladly acquiesce in relinquishing some control with many things we do as if to make him feel like he does have a say around the house.  We give him many choices throughout each day, which seems to help.  But other days, he's just completely impossible to appease.  No matter what we do or say, we're wrong. 

We can be giving him all the love in the world and involving him with "helping" us with the household tasks.  We'll be singing and to Kris and I, we're having a grand ol' time.  However, to the preschooler, we're complete idiots and apparently don't know our heads from our arses because out of the blue he will turn on a dime and be sitting on the floor hitting at us, screaming things such as "you not my friend"; "i don't like you right now"; "you being mean"; etc, while pushing around rugs on the floor.  (Not sure why he does that one - he HATES when the rugs are out of place and is constantly fixing them, so to mess them up kinda baffles me.)

We've tried the time-outs to no avail.  We've tried the Love and Logic method - which we still use in combo with some other tactics.  (i.e. I'll tell him (after he's calmed down) "Oh man.  That's so sad.  Because you spent so much time not listening and not doing what I asked, now we don't have time to do *insert fun thing here*.)  Doesn't matter - he just looks at us with a smirk and goes about his business.  We've tried threatening to take things away/not getting to do things - he doesn't care, just keeps up with the bad attitude.  Our new method is to send him to his bedroom upstairs alone until he can calm down, then once he does we try to reason with him.  But, sheesh.  It's still turmoil until he's over the melt-down.  The saying "I'm at my wits end" comes to mind on a daily basis.  It's as if we're waiting for a little volcano to blow.

I will have to say this though.  It doesn't feel as bad as it did last year when we were going through this phase.  I was really, really upset then.  I took it all very personally and felt like a complete failure as a parent.  I mean - I'm the one that taught preschool; I'm the on that has read all the parenting books; I'm the one that has a degree in Psychology with emphasis in child development, yet this child was giving me a run for my money (and we did invest a lot in him!) and beating me into submission (figuratively speaking).  Now that the love is more unconditional, I'm able to take a step back and know that this too shall pass and that if I wait an hour, I'll have a totally different kid (of course if I wait two hours, I'll be right back where I started, but that time in between is well worth it!)

They Should Call the Doll "Chatty Nicky" Instead

Seriously.  And if I have to start out a post by saying "seriously", then you know I mean business.  So, seriously.  What's up with all the chatter?  The Russky has gone from never talking at all, to jabbering on constantly about nothing at all, all the time!  And it's not like he's really saying much - most of the time it's the constant repeating of the same effing thing over and over, even though we've acknowledged him after the first time he's said it.  And he will say the same exact thing every single time he sees something that he's seen a million times.  Every day we drive by workers putting up a building - we'll hear "diggers!" from the backseat then he'll tell us they're building offices.  Then a few more yards we drive by a church and he points out the steeple - yep...they put up a steeple 4 months ago, thanks for letting us know Captain Obvious!  That's his new nickname in fact - Captain Obvious. 

And it's not just on the road.  It's while we read books.  He'll point out the exact same things every time - and they're always the super obvious things.  "der a cat."  "dat a ball."  "dat a beer."  (I swear we don't read him books with beers in them, but he has seen a few beer bottles in his short life, and he swears the picture of a seatbelt on a man in a big rig in one of his books is a beer - no matter what we tell him.  and - he's always right!) 

Then there's the "i watch tv".  So I think, ok, let's watch a little tv - maybe he'll zone out for a minute and give my ears a rest.  I'm not the biggest fan of Sponge Bob.  It doesn't teach anything; it's kinda crass; and it's overall annoying.  But, he seems to like it, and I used to be guaranteed that he would stare at it quietly, as if he's been possessed for 30 minutes.  I sit with him and half-watch while checking out some facebook, and now 50 percent of the time, Nicky will talk all through it, giving me a blow-by-blow of the show as I'm watching it!  Like I said, I don't like the show, but if I gotta watch it, I at least want to hear what's going on.  Argh!

Don't get me wrong.  We're thrilled that he is speaking now.  We just wish he were saying more and not repeating the same things over and over! 

Sigh.

Anyone have any earplugs I can borrow?

*the picture above has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but I put the hat on him at Target and texted it to Kris while he was at work one day just to torture him...pink being his favorite color and all!*

No Nap Nicky

Apparently there are a few kids in Nicky's class that no longer take naps.  Most of them are the ones that have an older sibling, so I guess the parents figure one kid is up, the other's not so happy about it, pick your battles.  Well, not so much in the Johnson house.  You see, Momma's a napper.  I love to nap.  If there were a gold medal given for champion napping, I'd for sure be a contender.  Life before Nicky...on days Kris was at the fire station...would go something like this: get up around 9, eat a bowl of cereal in front of the tv, watch tv until around 11, take a nap, have some lunch while watching tv, watch a little more tv, take a nap, have dinner, watch some tv, read in the tub, go to bed.  This was especially the case during the months just prior to us bringing the little Russky home.  I knew my lazy days were numbered and I vowed to make the best of them!

All that said, Nicky is a BEAR when he doesn't get a nap.  He's grumpy, bossy, defiant, hyper, doesn't listen, super-inquisitive (think "why?" - over and over), and just bouncing off the walls in general.  No Nap Nicky is not my friend.  We can always tell within a few minutes of picking him up from school as to whether or not he's taken a nap on that particular day.  It really makes the 2 1/2 hours in the evening seem like an eternity!  On the weekends, we sit in the room with him until he falls asleep.  It usually doesn't take long.  I'm better at it than Daddy (sorry, Kris, but it's true).  Kris likes to get Nicky all excited while reading books and he still rocks him in the chair before putting him down.  In which case, Nicky's all excited after reading books, fidgets while rocking for 10 minutes, and then it's another 10-ish minutes for him to calm down in the bed, before he can actually get to a point of thinking about falling asleep, then after fighting with him to fall asleep, Momma has to come upstairs and take over.  On the other hand, I read to Nicky while he's in bed, rub his back, sit next to him and am down on the couch with him snoozing away after 15 or so minutes...cuz I'm a rock star!  

Anyway...I'm not looking forward to the day that No Nap Nicky is here to stay.  Then what?  Oh - what's that you say?  I need to be less selfish and not take a nap on the weekends?!  Humph...I'm gonna have to figure something out...Momma needs that little bit of me time for sanity's sake! 

I Need A Change

Those of you who have visited our humble little blog before might notice something different.  I got tired of the blue/green template I had been using.  For no particular reason really.  My favorite colors are blue and green.  If you were to walk through our house you would see that everything is some shade of blue and/or green.  I started blogging about a year and a half ago and I chose the original template based on the fact that I like blue and green, and since this is a blog mostly about a little boy, I figured colors like pink and purple would somehow not be appropriate.

Anyhow...I needed a change.  

Perhaps it's because before Nicky, we could paint a room in the house and not have a little guy wanting to "help" (um, don't need your handprints on the wall, no matter how cute they are) or do a remodeling project without having to worry if Nicky could get hurt in the process. 

Maybe it's because instead of looking for cheap flights for 2 and being able to fly off at the drop of a hat (not that we ever did - but we could have), we now have to spend countless hours researching and planning for deals for 3. 

Maybe it's because I realize that I'm no spring chicken anymore - I'm getting wrinkles and I can say things like "20 years ago we didn't have cell phones" - but no gray hairs yet...we're going to ignore the fact that I color my roots though! 

It could be because I'm not the biggest fan of my job (I have an effing MBA and I'm an Executive Assistant/Office Manager for goodness sakes!).  And even though I have somewhat of a plan to remedy that, I know that it will be another 3-4 long years before I have the career that will bring me satisfaction.  If I have to hear another person in my office call me to complain that a shelf on her bookcase is screwed in and she wants it to be moved, but can't seem to figure it out herself; or, an "I know I asked you to order this supply, but I really meant this one"...as if I care (same person as the shelf issue), I'm going to explode!  What am I...your personal office monkey?!

I'm not quite sure what it is exactly.  Maybe it's just that time of the month.  All I know is I need a change.  And some days all I feel like I have control over in my life is this little piece of the blog-o-sphere, and it makes me happy.

Spitting the Dummy

The tantrums are out in full-force in the Johnson household. Oh my goodness are they C-R-A-Z-Y, crazy! Apparently we're not alone...I found an thread on google called "My 3 1/2 year old is trying to put me in an early grave"...I feel that pain! So, here we are at 3 1/2, and oy vey, is he spitting the dummy! (I stumbled upon that phrase and thought it was pretty funny...much better than the average American phrase: "temper tantrum".) Pretty much anything Nicky can balk at, he does: going to bed; brushing his teeth; getting dressed/undressed; leaving the house in a timely manner; getting into his carseat; following directions; going potty...even when he definitely has to go; washing his hands; getting out of bed; cleaning up his toys. Um...yeah...pretty much everything in our daily routine can lead to a knock-down, drag-out, kicking and screaming, throwing of toys/books/whatever's in the hand, full-on outburst! Here's a picture of one of his new habits while throwing such a fit...

Not sure why, but he's taken to burying himself under things - the front door mat; rug in his room; and as in the picture above, Blitzer's bed! He's also a big fan of the "trantrun" - the act of performing a hissy fit while on the go..these are quite comical, and tend to send me into fits of laughter, which helps to calm Nicky - or at least it stops the tantrun momentarily.

Kris and I are taking a parenting class at Nicky's school, based on the Love and Logic method. It's pretty interesting, and seems a bit ridiculous at times, but...it works! The premise is to give empathy first, then hand over a consequence for the negative behavior. It also stresses the importance of giving the child choices: "would you like chicken or chicken?". Ok - so that one sounds pretty silly, but if you ask Nicky what he wants for dinner, his response is almost always "chicken"! So, I show him two types of chicken (grilled and nuggets) and let him choose. We also say "would you like to do x now, or in one minute?", to which Nicky replies "one minute". Ok, one minute it is...and magically, one minute later, he complies! Who knew?! There's also no issuing of warnings with this approach - he knows the rules of the house, and will say them at will, so if he's not obeying them, action should be taken immediately (redirection or consequence). I'm surprised that just following these few steps, has actually changed his reaction to things. The key to all this is to reign in the sarcasm (apparently children can pick up on this), and to remain calm - easy as pie...yeah, right. Keep your fingers crossed for us folks! I've said it before...and I'll say it again...Serenity Now!

Serenity Now!

In my quest to be a "better parent" and to educate Kris and myself on the latest and greatest in the world of parenting advice, I currently have on my nightstand:

(I especially love that the mom's hair is all out of whack and her eyes look all frazzled and you know she's at her wit's end in the picture...I could really relate to this some days! Not to mention, my late Aunt Sharon recommended this line of books to me and said they were a God-send to her.)

As I've mentioned before, we knew it was going to be hard work (being a parent that is) and we knew our lives were going to be completely changed. What we didn't really think about was that our personalities as we knew them would be fundamentally changed upon becoming parents. Or at least, to be more effective we would need to make some changes (i.e. I would need to learn to be more patient, as would Kris as we have recently found out!). The books are great at giving information, and general guidelines, but they don't quite give set examples of what one should do in each and every scenario (I'm guessing that throwing pants across the house or saying "I'm over it" are not proper responses to situations...both long stories you'd have to hear in person to fully appreciate!). My hope is that by reading these books, we will be better prepared for the craziness this little guy can throw at us at times and that we will not feel like we are alone. Sometimes that's exactly how I feel. Like we're on this parenting island - like no one understands what we're going through, or can imagine what we're talking about because Nicky is so cute and can be so amazingly charming and loving...and he is, don't get me wrong! But man - when he flips out and we have to step up and (um, do "our job", what we're supposed to do, of course) be "the parent", it can be really (for lack of a better word) hard to keep our cool at times! So - what's my point here? Well, for all you Seinfeld fans out there... "Serenity Now!" That's what we're praying for! Serenity Now! Every time I feel my blood pressure is on the rise (i.e. at the dinner table when Nicky is "chewing" his milk and playing with his macaroni like it's a flute), Serenity Now! Say it with me folks, and pray that it brings some hope, help and resolve!