Happy 4th Gotcha Day Little Russky!

this is the only "baby picture" we have of nick. he's about a year-ish old here & i found it on a random russian orphanage blog which showcases all russian children available for adoption to the russian public

holy moly!  i can hardly believe it's been 4 years since kris and i made the loooong couple of trips to st petersburg, russia, to meet, then bring home our crazy little man!  we knew our lives would be forever changed, but didn't quite realize that we, as individuals, would have to be the ones that would do the changing.  no one ever said parenthood would be easy peasy!  there have been plenty of times we've thought we were gonna screw up the dude...still do sometimes!  we certainly didn't have a clue as to what we were in for as new parents, but we've muddled through it the best we know how, and in the end we have bonded as a family, attempted to find harmony in the day-to-day, laughed, cried, snuggled, played, created, celebrated, mourned, learned from each other, and become more thankful for each other and everything we have.

we took this picture during our first to st petersburg to meet nick ...he actually smiled at us this trip, so we thought we were in like flynn.  trips 2 & 3...yeah, not so much!  he definitely let us know he wasn't happy about leaving the orphanage with us.

since i love me some lists, let's look at what nicky has accomplished in 4 years:

1. left all he knew of home with a random couple of strangers who couldn't even speak his language
2. toured st petersburg & moscow, russia
3. flew halfway around the world & became a u.s. citizen
4. was poked & prodded ad nauseum to ensure proper health {i will forever hear him crying "noooo cut penit!"}
5. went on a super-duper family adventure to the florida keys
6. had a fantastically awesome-tastic vacation in the virgin islands
7. tested out some so-cal livin' in san diego
8. road tripped to st louis, el paso & san antonio
9. and most importantly ... became part of our forever family!

picture of the 2 texans & 1 unhappy little russky taken just after we left our court date, where we were officially approved to be the little dude's parents

of course these are only a handful of the firsts nick has experienced, but i think he's covered more ground than a lot of grown-up peeps have in a lifetime!  

1 very serious little russky...serious about the fact that he wasn't so sure about these folks everyone was calling "momma & papa"

he's quite the different child than the one that left baby home #1:

1. he ditched his stoic outer shell 
2. smiles & laughs easily and loves to be a goofball
3. speaks ENGLISH!!! {maybe that one should be listed 1st?  but - i think i'd take a happy, smiling kid over a grouchy little man any day!}
4. loves animals & adopted his very own pup
5. he's more comfortable in his skin & has overcome most of his social anxiety

one of his 1st unsolicited smiles we got from him {taken at the kremlin}

and because i'm taking this time to rave instead of my sometimes ranting, here are a few reasons we love our crazy, loud, stinky, cute, non-stop-chattin' little russky:

1. he's so stinkin' handsome & those lips...have you seen those juicy lips?!  oy!  wanna eat them off!
2. somehow, despite all he's been through in his previous life, he's so very loving
3. he always kisses my forehead when my head hurts
4. if there's cleaning or working around the house to be done, chances are he's there asking to help
5. although he can't always sit still long, when he does, he is one great cuddle-buddy
6. he picks up dead bugs for me!  not the "walking" ones so much...but i'll take what i can get!
7. he's forgiving & he bounces back

i'm not sure who saved whom when we left that orphanage 4 years ago.  i do know that even though we've had some days we wondered what the heck we were thinking, we take a deep breath, and remember all that we've learned about ourselves, good and bad, and we thank God we're together. 

♥ “Adoption is when a child grew in its mommy’s heart instead of her tummy.” Unknown ♥

xoxo ... liese f

Project: Nikita Miles Alexander Johnson

i'm a little behind on my posting, as usual, however i do want to introduce you all to a new tab i've created at the top of the blog called: "2012 photo journal".  i'm going to {attempt!} to take a picture a day of nick this year to see how he's grown, and better document what the crazy guy is up to!  i've already missed one day, but with all new year's resolutions, i think we're allowed a do-over or two early on in the game!  hope you enjoy watching the russky grow with us!

here's the direct link in case you want to save it...
http://2texansandalittlerussky.blogspot.com/p/2012-photo-journal.html

xoxo...liese :o)

Re-Adoption Day

Early in the morning on June 4th we climbed into the car to go to the Juvenile Justice Court for our re-adoption hearing.  "Re-adoption?  But I thought he was already yours?", you might be thinking.  Well, yes, he is all ours.  Our names are listed as his parents on his birth certificate (which seems kinda weird to me since I don't really recall ever going into labor!), but the birth certificate we have is RUSSIAN.  Meaning that it's pretty illegible to the untrained eye.  Not to mention the fact that if (God forbid) anything were to ever happen to it, replacing the document would probably be next to impossible.  So, to play it safe, and to make things easier down the line, we decided to go through this ceremony in order to have a Texas state issued birth certificate.  Kinda cool when you think about it - we've come so far!

The whole way there Nicky was a pain in the arse booty.  He threw a major tantrum and proceeded to kick the back of my seat in the car repeatedly.  We arrived at the courthouse rather early, so Kris took him outside and they walked around a bit to let some of his energy out.  Knowing there would be policemen/guards inside the building, we kinda fibbed and told him that if he didn't behave, they were going to take him and lock him up in jail.  (that's not so bad, right?)  Although he didn't like the sounds of that, he continued to run amok. 

Nicky was actually very quiet while we waited for the first family to go before the judge.  His eyes were wide as he looked from the policeman to me and back.  I held Nicky so he could see the judge and we went through the painless process of our Lawyer asking questions of us - first Kris then me.  Nicky decided he was going to play the shy card, and wouldn't tell anyone his name, nor would he look while we tried to get a picture of the three of us after the judge gave her blessing (as evidenced by the side-of-his-head shot in the picture above).

We should have his new birth certificate in a few weeks.  We knew going into this process that we would be completing this task around the two year mark.  At the end of August will be two years as a family.  We are constantly baffled at how time flies and at the love that has grown from and for all of us. 

Man...I'm a cheeseball!!!

Bon Voyage

 

My dining room is currently overflowing with bags of Nicky's clothes, books, toys, old bedding, and other random items to be donated to a local charity.  I could just as easily sell a lot of the items on Craig's List, as most of them you can barely tell they've been played with/worn.  Many of the once treasured toys were gifts, as were the worn with love clothes, and I just don't feel right about profiting from something I didn't pay for in the first place.  Not to mention, after receiving so much loot for his birthday, we want to instill in Nicky a sense of giving to others since we have more than plenty for ourselves.  

As I was clearing out Nicky's closet the other evening, I began to get choked up and I realized that it was because most of the clothes were the ones that Nicky wore shortly after we brought him home from Russia.  Then as I went through his toys, I began to feel the same way.  I randomly rotate his toys, so the ones we're donating haven't been played with since just after Christmas, but knowing that they will now no longer be in the house at all is a whole different story!  What is it about tangible items that give us such comfort?  It makes me think about that show Hoarding: Buried Alive.  I've always been a get-rid-of-it-if-you're-not-using-it-anymore gal.  After having a child though, I can now see how people get into that kind of situation.  I don't want to get rid of anything! 

The pirate ship and airplane in the picture above were once Nicky's coveted toys.  When he first joined our family, he didn't really know how to play.  You'd think that would be something instinctual for a child, but not for kids from an orphanage situation.  He would sit on the couch with one of those toys sitting by him and he would just stare at the tv, pushing the random button on each toy to make them make noises.  Looking at the toys now reminds me of how far we've come.  Something about having them here in the house gives me a sense of security; as if knowing they're here will give me the confidence I need as a mother. 

I suppose it's a good thing I hate clutter because our dining room is a mess...and no way would I be able to let it spill into another room.  I know that holding a toy in my hand will not make everything better in the world.  I know that we will have set-backs, which will hopefully be balanced by strides forward.  Clothes and toys will come and go over the years.  The memories we are creating as a family will last a life-time and I would't donate those for anything. 

Meet the Johnsons

I cannot believe that it's been 2 years that we got our referral.  It was on April 10, 2008, around 4:30pm, and I was sitting at work when my cell phone displayed the name of our adoption agency, EACI.  Without fully understanding it at the time, it was the day that our lives changed forever.  We had spoken with our counselor the night before and she had asked if we would be ok with a little boy that was 2 (we had originally given our age range as 9 - 18 months).  She gave us the evening to think about it, and I sent her a message the next day saying "Of course!" We kinda figured something was up when she kept saying "Not that there is a little boy, but we're just asking..."  Umm Hmm.  Sure.  As with all things that happen in the Johnson house (either good or bad) Kris was at the fire station, so when she called that afternoon to inform me that there was indeed a little 2 year old needing a home, the first hug was from my boss.  Eh...better than nothing.


I remember being so full of emotions and calling Kris, my parents, Kris' parents - all while crying and FREAKING OUT!!! The almost 3 months we waited before going to meet him was unbearable. Every time my phone rang, I would jump to see who it was. We called our counselor a few times to make sure the wait time was normal, and by September, we were heading home with a little boy that looked exactly like us. We were all nervous, uneasy, scared, and overall unsure what to do with each other. It was the biggest adjustment any of our lives had ever had to make.

I'm so proud to say that after 18 months, we are settled.  All three of us; together on one page. I'm tearing up and have a huge lump in my throat as I write this, because what I really want to do is jump with joy and scream from the rooftops!  I can without a doubt say that I love this little boy with all my heart.  He is our son, in every sense of the word.  We've navigated a long, bumpy, tumultuous road, but we've made it.  We are a family!!!

Ps…this post, of all posts is undoubtedly my favorite. I have waited so long for this one to come, and it was so worth the wait!

"i no remember"

The other night while getting Nicky ready for bed, he became really upset out of the blue.  He was half fussing, on the verge of tears, and was unable to get his words out, which I'm sure frustrated him even more.  Kris tried to calm him, in order to understand what he was saying.  All Kris could understand at first was "i no remember".  When he was finally able to get the words out of Nicky, he almost wished he hadn't; the pain it has brought on is unbearable for us all.  We knew this day would come, we just didn't know when or how soon.  What Nicky said was "i no remember russia". 

We've shown him pictures.  We have a few short videos we took of him at the orphanage.  But, try as we might, he was so young.   We say "da" (yes) and "nyet" (no) to him and he either looks at us with a blank stare or just laughs.  Words that were so much a part of our lives have completely disappeared, along with his memories of his former life.  He will simply remember what we tell him.

They tell you when you adopt that at some point, the child will mourn the loss of the life he/she had prior to his/her current life.  They will realize that there is someone out there that couldn't care for them, and had to give them up.  In Nicky's case, he had a life with his birth mother, and a life at the orphanage.  I can still feel the hurt and frustration we all experienced when he was adamantly opposed to spending time with us the second trip to the orphanage.  He knew a change was coming, and that his world as he knew it was never going to be the same.  How do you make a 2 1/2 year old understand that "things will be better if you just come with us?"

We hope that our talking to him and telling him about his past isn't too much for him - he's asking so many questions all of a sudden. I suppose there's only so long we can shelter him - if I could put him in a bubble and keep him from hurting I would.

I've decided that the best birthday present for Nicky this year would be a book about his life, which tells how he came to be a part of our forever family. We want him to know how loved he is and that no matter what, he's part of us and that will never change.  Every day, we grow to be more and more the picture of a quintessential family.  Our biggest and best compliment we receive is "Wow - you only adopted him 18 months ago?  I would have never known!  It seems like he's adjusted so well, and has always been a part of your lives!" 

An Adoption Tale

Given the direction our conversations with Nicky have turned regarding his past, we've been reading him his children's books about Russian adoption quite frequently.  He has two, both are written by Adrienne Ehlert Bashista, who also adopted from Russia, and they are equally great. 

The first one is called:  When I Met You: A Story of Russian Adoption

The second is called:  Mishka, An Adoption Tale

The Mishka (little bear) book pretty much details, in little people words, the exact adoption process.  I bought and read it before we went on our first trip to meet Nicky, but up until a month or so ago, I had not read it since.  (It's a little longer than the 'When I Met You' book, therefore did not really hold Nicky's attention.)  The book is so much like what we experienced, that it brings all the emotions of the trip to the surface. 

The first time I read it to Nicky, I couldn't make it 3 pages before bursting into tears - big, uncontrollable sobs.  Kinda scared the little guy, and he rubbed my arm, wiped my tears and told me "it ok momma.  don't be scared."  Of course, this only made me cry harder, and hug him tighter.  The second time I read the book was a bit better.  I still cried; Nicky still wiped my tears; but we were able to talk about it a bit.  Each time I've read it since, it's gotten easier - I still get choked up, but I'm able to add little tidbits from our trip to help Nicky understand that the story is just as much about him, as it is Yuri, the little boy in the book.

In the meantime, I've ordered more books about adoption from Amazon...for him and for us big people.  I've also talked to his teacher at his private school, and let her know that it's ok for him to talk about it.  Kris and I are going to sit down with Nicky and talk to him (as best we can) once we get the books, and then we'll share the same things we tell him with his teachers, so we're all on the same page.  I also have a call into our social worker to see what she can recommend we tell him, and how to go about it. 

Parenthood never gets any easier, does it? 

i grow in you belly momma?

One of Nicky's teachers at his private school are pregnant.  With a room full of curious 4-ish year olds, it was only a matter of time before this became fodder for conversation in their classroom.  Well, the other morning it happened.  As I was dressing Nicky for school, I had the following conversation:

Nicky:  everyone have momma? 

Momma:  Yes, everyone has a Momma.

Nicky:  babies grow in mommas belly?

Momma:  (perplexed at the randomness of the questioning at first...)  Yes, babies do grow in the bellies of Mommas.

Nicky:  oh.  (pause)  i grow in you belly?

Momma:  (aha - that's what we're talking about...deep breath...think...think...think...what do I say...soo not prepared for this before I've had my coffee...)  Well, Nicky, you actually have two Mommas.  You were born in Russia, right?  (we have told him this since we brought him home...trying to be open about everything)

Nicky:  right momma.

Momma:  Well, you grew in one Momma's belly in Russia, then Daddy and I went to Russia and brought you back here to Texas to live in this house with us.

Nicky:  ooooooohhh.

Humph...clear as mud, I'm sure.  A few days later, at the dinner table, Nicky said he told his teacher he grew in Momma's belly in Russia.  I had forgotten to tell Kris about our little tête-à-tête, so he looked at me a tad bit confused, then I filled him in.  Who knows what his teachers are thinking.  We've mentioned that he's adopted, but we don't know what's being said in the class. 

Although we're not sure what Nicky is understanding from all our talks at the moment, we are sure that we will be having many more of these conversations in the future.  I better hit up Amazon.com to see what kind of books they have for this kind of situation.  I knew I would have to do so at some point...but I thought it would be further in the future...I feel so ill-prepared!  Poor little guy...I can only imagine how confusing all of this is for him!